Vampirism

[Gianna Stefani]

REVEALING VAMPIRISM
Following some awful scaremongering in the national press, many people
have become either terrified, or hopeful, that they may be undead.
This newsletter is here to help, and we hope the following information
will help put your mind, if not your spirit, at rest.
By answering all of the following twenty simple questions, you can
discover your true status:
1) Do you sleep in a box, perhaps part-filled with earth from another
country.
2) Have you got long canines.
3) Do you get an irresistible urge to under-light your chin.
4) Do you go out in the daytime.
5) Do you avoid religious jewellery.
6) Are you scared of steak, or camping.
7) Do you lay awake unless you leave the lid on.
8) Do you dislike solid food.
9) Are you absent from family photographs.
10) Do you see yourself in a mirror.
11) Do you argue constantly with a Mr. van Helsing.
12) Do you leave the tap on while washing.
13) Do you mesmerise virgins.
14) Do you tend to overdo nookie badges.
15) Can you fly after dark.
16) Do people call you a Count.
17) Are your close friends anaemic.
18) Do you think Batman is someone dressed up.
19) Can you go downstairs forwards on your hands and knees.
20) Do people block your passage with garlic.
Now turn to the back page to discover whether you have become a vampire,
or merely an idiot.

[Mad Mac]

Post by Gianna Stefani
REVEALING VAMPIRISM
Following some awful scaremongering in the national press, many people
have become either terrified, or hopeful, that they may be undead.
This newsletter is here to help, and we hope the following information
will help put your mind, if not your spirit, at rest.
By answering all of the following twenty simple questions, you can
1) Do you sleep in a box, perhaps part-filled with earth from another
country.
2) Have you got long canines.
3) Do you get an irresistible urge to under-light your chin.
4) Do you go out in the daytime.
5) Do you avoid religious jewellery.
6) Are you scared of steak, or camping.
7) Do you lay awake unless you leave the lid on.
8) Do you dislike solid food.
9) Are you absent from family photographs.
10) Do you see yourself in a mirror.
11) Do you argue constantly with a Mr. van Helsing.
12) Do you leave the tap on while washing.
13) Do you mesmerise virgins.
14) Do you tend to overdo nookie badges.
15) Can you fly after dark.
16) Do people call you a Count.
17) Are your close friends anaemic.
18) Do you think Batman is someone dressed up.
19) Can you go downstairs forwards on your hands and knees.
20) Do people block your passage with garlic.
Now turn to the back page to discover whether you have become a vampire,
or merely an idiot.

ok...

so i'm an idiot.... now what ?

:)

[Mad Mac]

alt.society.outsiders.uk

damn....

:)

[Gianna Stefani]

Post by Mad Mac

alt.society.outsiders.uk

damn....
:)

While considering the undead (those who died but returned not entirely
dead) I could not help but wonder about the unalive (those who lived but
returned not entirely alive).

[Mad Mac]

Post by Gianna Stefani

Post by Mad Mac

alt.society.outsiders.uk

damn....
:)

While considering the undead (those who died but returned not entirely
dead) I could not help but wonder about the unalive (those who lived but
returned not entirely alive).

Now I'm confused.....

I can't decide if I'm undead or unalive.....

I'll chew it over for a while.

[Gianna Stefani]

Post by Mad Mac
Now I'm confused.....
I can't decide if I'm undead or unalive.....
I'll chew it over for a while.

You seem to have ruled out two of the four options anyway, i.e. you have
decided you are not alive and you are not dead.

By the powers vested in me by the open university, I pronounce that you
are therefore half way to solving the problem.

I have just been having a dicussion in the back yard on this issue with
my insignificant other. And yes, I do mean really ... I appreciate it
is the middle of the night but it is a nice night.

The following may help you with your decision, if not with your mental
health:

The undead may be described as beings who are dead but show every
indication of being alive (in the case of zombies, we noted that parts
of the person are occasionally discarded in a falling to bits kind of
way - this is not a problem for vampires etc.).

Using the same logic (?) it follows that the unalive may be described as
beings who are alive but show every indication of being dead.

We also considered that if the cycle of life and death is likened to
living inside a glass sphere around the inner surface of which this
procession of events takes place, then the unalive and the undead may be
entities which are travelling around the inside of the sphere in a
wholly inappropriate direction.

[Mad Mac]

Post by Gianna Stefani

Post by Mad Mac
Now I'm confused.....
I can't decide if I'm undead or unalive.....
I'll chew it over for a while.

You seem to have ruled out two of the four options anyway, i.e. you have
decided you are not alive and you are not dead.
By the powers vested in me by the open university, I pronounce that you
are therefore half way to solving the problem.
I have just been having a dicussion in the back yard on this issue with
my insignificant other. And yes, I do mean really ... I appreciate it
is the middle of the night but it is a nice night.
The following may help you with your decision, if not with your mental
The undead may be described as beings who are dead but show every
indication of being alive (in the case of zombies, we noted that parts
of the person are occasionally discarded in a falling to bits kind of
way - this is not a problem for vampires etc.).
Using the same logic (?) it follows that the unalive may be described as
beings who are alive but show every indication of being dead.
We also considered that if the cycle of life and death is likened to
living inside a glass sphere around the inner surface of which this
procession of events takes place, then the unalive and the undead may be
entities which are travelling around the inside of the sphere in a
wholly inappropriate direction.

I must be undead as well as being insane.......

and to think.....

I had absolutely no idea !

:)

either way.....

ah..... ignorance is bliss.... (damn... ignorance as well)

[Gianna Stefani]

Post by Gianna Stefani

Post by Gianna Stefani
REVEALING VAMPIRISM
Following some awful scaremongering in the national press, many people
have become either terrified, or hopeful, that they may be undead.
This newsletter is here to help, and we hope the following information
will help put your mind, if not your spirit, at rest.
By answering all of the following twenty simple questions, you can
1) Do you sleep in a box, perhaps part-filled with earth from another
country.
2) Have you got long canines.
3) Do you get an irresistible urge to under-light your chin.
4) Do you go out in the daytime.
5) Do you avoid religious jewellery.
6) Are you scared of steak, or camping.
7) Do you lay awake unless you leave the lid on.
8) Do you dislike solid food.
9) Are you absent from family photographs.
10) Do you see yourself in a mirror.
11) Do you argue constantly with a Mr. van Helsing.
12) Do you leave the tap on while washing.
13) Do you mesmerise virgins.
14) Do you tend to overdo nookie badges.
15) Can you fly after dark.
16) Do people call you a Count.
17) Are your close friends anaemic.
18) Do you think Batman is someone dressed up.
19) Can you go downstairs forwards on your hands and knees.
20) Do people block your passage with garlic.
Now turn to the back page to discover whether you have become a

vampire,

Post by Gianna Stefani
or merely an idiot.

ok...
so i'm an idiot.... now what ?
:)

UNDEAD OR JUST DEAD (continued from front page)
If you answered 'No' to questions 4, 10, 12, and 18, and 'Yes' to all of
the others, then you are probably a vampire.
If you actually answered the questions at all, then do join our club.

(this, and the preceding, from an original article by GS, published in a
limited circulation newsletter)